Teenage daughter and grades?

My 13 yr old is so obsessed w/ older boys (16), myspace, etc that she is turning in work at school that is incomplete, or fails it. I have her in a tutoring after school program, I've taken away her computer, her cell, her weekend plans etc and I'm still seeing the same results...rushing through work, not caring, Weve met w/ teachers they say she is painfully shy (duh) wont ask questions, We have had several talks w/ her, she promises to bring them up and does, for a few wks then goes back down to C's and under. What in the world can I do?

Teenage daughter and grades?
Try having her do her homework sitting at the kitchen table. You sit across from her the whole time she's doing it. Then if she gets ditracted you can bring her focus back. Tell her that 16 year old boys are "OFF LIMITS". We all know what teenage boys are focused on (and that's perfectly natural for them) But, we need to let our daughters know that the boys natural behavior WILL get the girls in trouble.


You can also have the school test her to see if she has any learning disabilities or if she's above level and just bored. Children who are above grade level tend to get bored because they already know the stuff so, they think about other things while the class is being taught and may be so interrested in the other things on their mind that they may not notice when something new is introduced and the lesson just passes them by. Before they know it, they've fallen behind and because they are children, they don't know what to do about it. They may be embarrassed at that point to ask for help because they know they should've been paying attention.


I had the same problem with my youngest girl. I tried everything I could think of to get her to focus. By the time she turned 16, I found that taking her out of school and home schooling her, worked. In 4 months time, I brought her back up to grade level (10th grade- she was at a 4th grade level in math and a couple years behind in all other subjects). We sat at the kitchen table for 6 hours a day (yes, we took breaks) As I was teaching her math, I realized that she did not know HOW to borrow and was just inverting the numbers to finish the problems. The teachers had NEVER taken the time to find out WHY her answers were wrong, they just gave her a bad grade and moved on.) I was able to bring her focus back whenever she lost it. I then sent her to our local colleges GED program. In 3 months time, she was able to pass the test and recieve her GED. Good luck :)
Reply:She needs some time on Daddy / daughter dates to be reassured of his love and affection. Also, for you, keep the door open for all talks and don't react to anything she says, no matter what.





As far as the grades, give her an incentive. How about $10 for every A that she brings home on her report card?
Reply:Stick with your limitations but try to find fun things you can do together, either as a family or with one parent individually. Show her what IS cool to do.





Try reading How to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk.
Reply:it sounds like you've done just about everything you can do. now it's really more up to your daughter and how much she WANTS to learn. maybe if she took more classes that pertain to her interests, that might help? or she could try taking more classes that are a little less book-intensive, like music classes (choir or band or something).
Reply:Is your daughter currently in a public school? Is it possible to transfer her to a private school next sememster? One that has smaller classes, perhaps even an all girls school (where she may not be so shy). Explain to her that she can get held back a grade if she does not pass her classes. It sounds as if you have already taken away her privleges for negative reinforcement, but the one thing that you did not mention is: are YOU spending time with her and helping her with her homework? If she is rushing through it and turning it in then perhaps you are not checking the work after she finishes it. SIT WITH HER!! HELP HER!! And BE CONSISTENT!!! Everyday! Ask her, "where's your homeowrk? Let's sit down and get to it". Where are you in all of this? Hope this advice helps! -Janet
Reply:Have you considered taking her to a psychologist. She may be experiencing depression since she can't cheer anymore. Sometimes it's hard to spot.





I believe your daughter might bennifit from a psychotherapist.
Reply:As your daughter is 13now, she's having a lot troubles changing from a child to adult. She may has more thing to spend time on, not only school and grades but also bf, beauty, etc.That makes her cannot concentrate on her study.Don't order her to much, it only makes her more tired. All you can do now is to listen and to be patient with her. Ask her teachers if the course is too hard,too. Good luck
Reply:its really up 2 ur daughter as far as how much she wants 2 learn. i did really bad in 8th grade science bcuz i didnt turn in my work in on time. i actually had a D and F 4 part of 4th quarter. i was in public school, and privates school, and i actually got MORE help in public school! also, i am now in 9th grade and doing gr8. 2 some ppl, like my friend, she got ok grades in middle school, but didnt stress 2 much bcuz she said middle school didnt really matter. that could be ur daughter. it could also be the friends she hangs out w/ , and she probably thinks its cool. plz tell her 2 stop fooloing around, especially in 8th grade, cuz thats the year that matters in middle school- it gets u ready 4 high school. she wont be prepared as much 4 high school as she would of if shed do her work! i dont really know what u can do 2 help her- its up 2 her. but maybe an incentive for every A or B she gets, like 10 minutes on myspace, or 10 minutes on the phone.





ill keep my fingers crossed 4 u, ur husband, and ur daughter! hope she shapes up soon!


and GOOD LUCK!!!
Reply:You should start with discussing it with her again, but if that doesn't work maybe you need to punish her to protect her grades. Start by taking her PC away for most of the time, or if she's staying out ground her. Depending on the kind of girl she is, if it's really serious the good old smacked bottom usually works at 13.