How to deal with bad grades and barely graduating?

My nephew, with whom my wife %26amp; I are very close, is graduating from the eighth grade (just barely). We have tried to encourage him by offering a camping trip %26amp; a laptop if he got A's and/or B's. We tried to make sure he had the help he needed to do well in all his classes (tutors). Unfortunately his mom isn't the best role model, basically saying she did poorly in school so it isn't a big deal that he does poorly too, and he lives with his grandmother b/c his mom can't hold down a job. What can we do to help our nephew? We try to help him see that doing well in school is important for his future so he can do the things we do that he dreams about like traveling, going to college and having a nice car etc. He has already been disciplined by having all recreational things he really likes, such as video games and TV, taken away. Unfortunately we live a two hour drive away and cannot be there in person for him as much as we'd like, but we speak to him on the phone frequently

How to deal with bad grades and barely graduating?
If he does not see it in his parents and within himself there is not much you can do.





Since you care so much have you considered taking him out of the situation he is in and taking him in? That may be just what he needs to help turn him around. But keep in mind that he is already behind and before High School hits he will need reinforcement and review of all the subjects he lacks to help prepare him for it. High School will not be as easy as Middle School was. His mom obviously does not care or he would have never gotten to this point. His grandmother can only do so much and the school work they need help with these days is like sending her to Mars and back. She will not be able to help him.





Phone calls alone won't help.








ADDITION:





If you're sister-in-law lives with her mother and the nephew is being raised by his grandmother because she can not hold a job and support him then she is not a fit mother and someone needs to find her unfit or confront her for bring unfit and help the child. He ha High School ahead of him to get his life where he needs it to be (on the right path).
Reply:I think that is so awesome that you are there for him and he has mentors like you. Just Awesome!


I agree with the custody thing however that could cause problems and he could withdrawal at the same time.





I would talk to the school and find out if they have sessions that he can attend, like a after school program. My son did this and wow to the improvement. He was a all A and/or B student until 9th grade.We knew that we had to do something.%26gt;%26gt; I contacted the school and they were more then willing to help. My son had to check in( after school scholars) and he would go two or three times a week for 1 1/2 hours each time. This gave him time to do his home work and/or get help. We also had a great Principal that would check in with him once a month and ask him how he was and how his grades were. The support system is there, sometimes closer than we think.


It made all the difference to/for him.


Don't give up....he needs you even at a distance!


Thinking of his age...and they need instant gratification, offer money for each quarter marking.


5 dollars for each A.....or 100.00 dollars for honor roll.


Kid love $$ however they do need something that is reachable and something they don't have to wait nine months for.


We did the 100.00 for honor roll....and it does work. Well two out of three children...lol





One more thought...send cards in the mail....ones with inspiration... something he receives and makes him feel important too.


Best wishes
Reply:well Why Not take him for the summer and show him what a real family is supposed to be like and then maybe even seriously think about having legal custody or adopting him.At the moment you are doing the very best you can with him and for him,Keep encourage him and calling him.
Reply:i think that he has lost his motivation to do well, because of what his mom says. it seems that when his mom says that it isnt a big deal that he's doing bad in school, he just takes it as his mom doesnt care. i guess talking to his mom and him both would help, and keep encouraging him, thats most important.
Reply:Speak to his mom.
Reply:Get him a big brother companion to help him get motivated.Phone calls alone wont help.He needs a role model close to his own age to give him a perspective on life.
Reply:There isn't much more you can do, unless you want to move closer or take custody of him.
Reply:See about finding him a professional big brother. Not so much for homework reasons, but when he sees this professional, or almost professional having all these cool things, his cool life, etc., that might be the kick in the butt your nephew needs.
Reply:Without pushing to get the education, does he respond to you and your wife favorably when you are all together? My reason for asking that question is have you any thought of being available for adoption of your nephew? Is there any chance for that to happen? That would probably answer all the challenges you have with him because of the distance. If that is not possible what about a foster parent type situation, can you get custody of him until he is of age. Since his Mother has a difficult time keeping a full time job, then I would think that she would be open to that idea. I'm sure the Grandparents would also be relieved because of the additional expense that its costing them to keeping your nephew. It would also be like giving him a second change to improve his grades if you could get him transferred to a school near you after he graduates from the eighth grade. If he really is interested in a higher education than it would be in his best interest to be around people that can generate positive actions and help in his behalf. He can do without any negative feed back. Some younger prople don't have any idea how to cope with that kind treatment. I really hope some of this advise will help you, Good Luck, I'm sure you will do the right thing for your nephews best interest.
Reply:Sounds like he is bored or occupied with other things in school other than learning. My oldest son realized this on his own and asked if he could go to an alternative school to finish high school. He has brought home nothing but A's and B's since and he is also going to graduate earlier than his peers. You may want to offer this as an option and see if the mother will let him stay with you so you can see it through. Good luck

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